GIVE ME YOUR ANGST (FOR K)

[slugly]

[Tsunade had warned her that sometimes there was nothing you could do to save someone. Sakura had thought she had gotten a taste of it, back when she could do nothing to save Sasuke from leaving the village. But she had a feeling that's not what Tsunade was talking about.

Medical ninjutsu could heal almost any wound -- Sakura could mend bone, stop bleeding, reattach limbs with the ease only her master mirrored. She sent families home together and thanking her and Sakura could only smile that someone didn't have to lose someone important and feel the pain she thought she knew.

It was the first time the patient had gotten to her a bit too late. Later than even she was able to fix. She hated feeling useless but as she pumped chakra into the body and lit the room aglow so the sweat shone on her forehead, she could feel precious life slipping away. The hand clutching at her coat grew limp and lifeless. A life she couldn't save.

The first one.

And the words 'help me' echoed in her mind. Still, she took a deep breath and cleaned up, sent the body to the appropriate place to be examined and all secrets extracted, and cursed herself as the bearer. The look of a heart breaking made Sakura's 'I'm sorry' choked. It seemed hardly enough of a condolence.

It was that mantra of apology in her head that pushed each step as she left the hospital. She didn't want to see anybody, she didn't want to do anything. She might have been content to sit in that room and hold the hand of the patient she couldn't save until her own her own heart stopped.

Tsunade had warned her sometimes there was nothing you could do. She hadn't warned her about the crippling guilt that came with it. Only as fate would have it in her moment of weakness and when she wanted to be alone, she spotted the telltale platinum blonde hair of her best friend/rival ahead of her. She stopped but there was no point in hiding or running away. That wasn't her, anyway.

Out comes a strained;]

Ino...

Comments

[blondambition]

[Ino pouts.]

Tenten is a much bigger gossip than I am! Besides, you're the one I tell everything to, so if you tell me, there's really no danger of me telling anyone else.

[Chouji might listen politely to whatever Ino rambled about but Shikamaru would literally just fall asleep to avoid listening to anything troublesome. Ino had learned long ago that they were not the ones to share juicy stories with.]

I don't think it's "nothing". Call it interrogator's intuition.

[slugly]

[The danger is having anybody know at all, in actuality. The pain was hers alone. This time she was going to keep it locked tight inside her.

She doesn't say anything but her arm has tensed a little across Ino's back and she grips the soft throw pillow beside her, threatening to rip it in half. If she won't break maybe she could break other things instead.

Her face is carefully neutral as she stares ahead, tone a bit flat.]

But I didn't come here to be interrogated.

[blondambition]

You know I didn't mean it like that.

[Ino knows that Sakura is more than capable of taking care of herself. She learned that early on, when Sakura grew a backbone and stopped needing Ino to fight all of her battles. It had been a lonely feeling but a proud one, too. Sakura had become the woman-- and ninja-- that Ino had always known she could be. Still, even though Sakura was a million times physically stronger than Ino could ever hope to be, there is still a certain level of protectiveness over her friend.

And if someone hurt her, Ino would melt their brain. It was as simple as that.

Ino turns so she could face Sakura more fully.]

Did something happen at the hospital?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING ANGEL

[slugly]

[Yes, she knows. But she thought maybe Ino would drop it if she said it.

Something gives in her expression, something changes. Her eyes aren't hard anymore, they flicker and change to a forest of life instead of cold-cut emerald. Ino should only need that small flicker but Sakura quickly schools herself and frowns, making sure she doesn't meet Ino's own probing gaze.

She pulls her arm back and folds her arms across her chest, sinking into the couch.]

Do we really have to talk about this? Can't we just watch a movie and drink wine and wonder who we're going to end up with for the rest of our lives? I'd even rather talk about your sex life than this.

[SUUULK.]

THANK YOU ILU MY PRECIOUS

[blondambition]

[Ino leans in further, leaving no personal space between her and Sakura as she presses her cheek to her friend's. She has an evil smile on her face. Sakura knows it well.]

I think we both know you don't want to know about my sex life. But, hey, if you insist! I'm more than happy to oblige my best friend with tales of my sexcapades. So, let's see. Last night a couple of us went out and Naruto was there...

[She pauses as if she's really considering whether she wants to tell Sakura this story or not.]

And here I am thinking that he's gotten pretty hot-- you know, future Hokage and all-- so me being me, I just started flirting with him. He's so easy! You'd think hanging out with Jiraiya would make him a little more girl savvy...

[There are many different kinds of psychological torture. Whether this story is real or not, Sakura will now have mental images of two people she cares about, which is really the worst kind of torture.]

<3333333333 ILU2

[slugly]

[She knows it from Ino AND from Naruto. Those two are so similar it's painful, especially because they both mean so much to her too. Ino was just much better at getting information out of her while she could say 'no' to Naruto until she died, probably. She had been saying 'no' to his dates for this long.

Naruto? No. Please no.

Immediately regretting decision now]

No! Ino! Of all the people to--

[She knew NARUTO would get under her skin.]

Ugh!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART I AM NOT WORTHY ;-;

[blondambition]

Mmmm yeah, you know what? His body is actually really nice. Not overly muscled but not skinny, either. Nice and toned. Good arms. Perfect shoulders and back. And those abs.

[Ino is loving the horrified look on Sakura's face. She would get this information one way or another. The blond bites at her thumb nail, as if unable to contain herself whilst thinking of their future Hokage naked.]

Who knew the class loser would turn out to be such a good kisser?

YOU ARE SO WORTHy sh

[slugly]

[Her hands clamp down on her ears quickly but Ino's voice grates down on her. So she grabs the pillow beside her and slams it into her 'friend's' face so she can SHUT UP ABOUT HER TEAMMATE.

And okay Sakura isn't BLIND to him either but she doesn't NEED TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE. That's really weird because she and Ino had been so alike and now she's KISSING HIM NO]

Shut up!! Fine! I'll tell you! I lost someone at the hospital today!

[blondambition]

[Ino's scream is muffled behind the pillow. Thank God it's soft and Sakura isn't putting her full power into it because with Sakura's elephant strength, she could have very easily broken Ino's (self proclaimed) perfect face. That was a loss that Konoha just couldn't take.

She manages to rip the pillow off of her face, taking a deep breath. Delicious, sweet air. Ino sobers up at Sakura's news, wondering the appropriate way to react.

On one hand, they are ninja. They see people die every day. Ino, maybe even more so than others. She had lost her Sensei and her father; she is no stranger to death. It would be very easy for her to say, "You chose this life, deal with it", because it's the hard truth.

On the other hand, Sakura is usually in the business of healing, rather than outright murdering. She is also a perfectionist and a bleeding heart, which makes losing a patient even harder. Ino knows that no matter what she says, Sakura will believe that it was her fault. She wouldn't want Ino's pity, either.]

What happened?

[slugly]

[It's sobering and dark and Sakura hasn't had enough wine yet. So she looks away from Ino, cursing her and thanking her at the same time. For making her have to share her burden and for being able to not have to take that weight alone.

Sakura doesn't expect Ino to be callous and realistic and a cynic because that's not who she was deep down. Her line of work might have made her a little harder, a little more jaded but it would be strange if it didn't. Deep down though, Ino was the queen of her world and she welcomed every one to be a part of it.

And the world worshipped her feet if she gave you that chance.

But no matter how bright Ino's world is, Sakura's isn't. She takes a deep breath.]

I just couldn't do anything...

[That fact that she has to say it out loud, she curls in on herself and bites her lip to fight back tears.]

Years later and I still--

[blondambition]

[In some ways, Ino thinks the hardest job of all is to be a medic. She remembers very vividly how she couldn't heal Asuma-sensei, how days, months, years later she wondered if there was something-- anything-- she could have done differently. She had only tasted a fraction of what Sakura goes through every day. Being a medic is what made Tsunade such a good leader and a tough Hokage. It made you have to re-evaluate everything about the shinobi life. Heal or hurt?

There are times when tough love is necessary. When Shikamaru slacks off, when Chouji eats Ino's portion at lunch, when Kiba is too loud, or when Hinata needs a push in the right direction to do something, Ino is there to dole out the tough love.

Now, Ino thinks, is not the time for her to be a hard ass. This isn't a fight over the most popular boy in class or who has bigger boobs. She puts her arms around Sakura, leaving enough room so that Sakura can wiggle away if she wants. For a few seconds, she is silent so as to let Sakura talk.]

You can't save everyone.

[slugly]

[Sakura doesn't pull away, physically or emotionally. In fact, she's drawn into Ino's strength and turns her body so she can face the hug more fully and selfishly take that comfort from Ino. Because the family needs the comfort, not her. Sakura hadn't lost a loved one or a friend, but she did lose a piece of herself just a few hours ago.]

But I want to.

[Maybe Naruto has rubbed off on her, his idealism, his habit of taking life itself as his responsibility. Maybe she wanted to be like him. No, she did. She wanted to be strong. For her friends but she also wanted to be strong for the world, in case the world needed her. The world might be there at Ino's feet but Sakura was there to make sure it was. She wanted to be the one to make sure of it.]

I didn't want to make any more mistakes. I didn't want to be helpless anymore, but I can't do anything. Maybe if I had more chakra, maybe I can tweak the Yin seal so it can hold more of it.

What if that was your future husband I let die? What if it was mine?

[She blubbers a little, feeling like she's eight years old again crying over being picked on and Ino is there to scare them away and be her backbone because hers needed a little more time to grow in.]

[blondambition]

[Despite how people might have viewed them, Sakura is and always was Ino's best friend. In public, they might not have always seemed like they got along but to anyone who really knows them, there is no doubt that they love each other a ridiculous amount. It's painful for Ino to see her friend suffering like this, maybe even more so because there is little she can do to help her.

Ino gathers her up and hugs her tightly.]

You're the greatest medical asset this village has but you're only one person. A person. Not some all powerful deity who can control life and death. No one in their right mind would think you're helpless. How many lives did you save during the war? A hell of a lot.

[She rests her chin on top of Sakura's head. Ino hopes that Sakura knows that Ino isn't saying all of this just to cheer her up. Ino is nothing if not honest. ]

All you can do is train harder, learn more, and save more people. And don't worry, if my future husband dies, I'll just get another. They're pretty expendable!

[slugly]

[If she was saying it to cheer her up, it would be nice. But she knows every word Ino says is true, and it helps, but it doesn't bring anyone back to life.]

Only you would have a line of husbands waiting their turn.

[People weren't that expendable. Not if they were laying there dying on her operating table. Then they were hers, that was her responsibility as a medical ninja to at least help a little. But there was really nothing, NOTHING she could have done.

And... what if that had been Naruto? Or Shikamaru? Or Hinata? What if that had been someone she knew. That's what has made her stomach drop down to her feet every time she thinks about it.

Reaching up, Sakura rubs her eyes with the heel of her palm.]

... You saved a lot of lives too, Ino.

[blondambition]

Yeah, but I also aid in the torture and murder of plenty of people. So... there's that.

[Of course it's for the village's well being-- and of course it's a necessary part of ninja life, even though all the villages generally get along-- but it's not the most glamorous or nicest of positions. Still, Ino knew what T&I was and made the decision to join, anyway. Being a spy was up there with the dirtiest shinobi careers; she's done a lot of things that she's not exactly proud of for the sake of Konoha.]

This is going to sound harsh, but now that we're older and we've taken most of the responsibility, we're going to see a lot of deaths. Naruto is... well, he's Naruto and this isn't something he likes to think about but it's part of life. Shinobi life expectancy are low for a reason, you know? But you're strong and you'll get past this.

[Unlike Tsunade, who just sort of ran away for twenty years, give or take...]

What you need is a distraction! We've already pre-gamed, let's just go out!

[slugly]

[Sakura knows. Sakura knows death is a part of life but as a medic and someone who treasures life and has so man experiences from its up and downs to make her the person she is today, it hurts to see it taken away.

Sakura also knows she will get past this, she's just a very emotional girl.

A distraction did sound nice, she's just not sure if she'll be much fun. She looks uncertain about the idea but Ino seems to think it would help... at this point, she just wants to sleep or cry in the solitude of her own home because she hasn't gotten a chance to since it happened.

She looks at her glass of wine, considering.]

Just you and me?

[blondambition]

I'll let you borrow some clothes, I'll put some makeup on you and do your hair!

[Say what you will about Ino, but she knows style. As over the top as her personality and clothes may be sometimes, she would never put Sakura in anything that looked less than fabulous. She says, off to the side, in a whisper:]

And then we'll find cute guys to buy us drinks.

[They could sit there and debate life and death all night but Ino truly things Sakura needs some Pretty Girl Therapy.]

[slugly]

[Everything but the makeup and hair. It's not that Ino's style wasn't great and trendy and made all the girls jealous, it was just a lot of tugging and painting and Sakura knew when she went home she was going to have a good crying jag and she didn't want to ruin her hard work.

She can't keep the smile back, nor does she want to. There's a soft laugh, affecionate and directed at Ino for just being herself and... such a good friend.]

I guess I don't have to worry that I don't have any money on me then.

[It's a yes. She'll let her do the makeup and hair. Sakura does like making Ino happy more than she doesn't want to worry about smearing her face later.]

[blondambition]

Have I taught you nothing? Pretty girls never pay for drinks!

[And Sakura is really very pretty, even if she has a few lingering self esteem issues. She has that natural sort of cuteness that Ino envies just a little. She is also a smaller pants size, which Ino also envies. One time Ino tried to borrow a skirt from her and it took both of her teammates to pry her out. Not very appealing.

Ino has a section of makeup that is exclusively for Sakura's use. Their coloring is very different (Ino is definitely a summer, while Sakura is clearly a spring), so once in a while when Ino visits another country, she picks up something she thinks would look good on her friend (this doesn't include jewelry or clothes, which she also tends to randomly buy for Sakura).

Needless to say, Ino treats Sakura 600000% better than anyone she dates and they are probably all secretly jealous.]

Sit on my bed and I'll get everything ready~

[In seconds, the blond has her arms full of hair product and makeup. True ninja speed.]

[slugly]

[They should just date instead it would make everything a million times easier and they're halfway there anyway.

Sakura moves to the bedroom with her wine glass in tow, not quite done with it yet as she sips and watches Ino's blur of blonde hair,getting everything ready. She sits crosslegged on the duvet, holding her glass in both hands.]

Ino?

[There's a swell of gratitude Sakura feels just for knowing Ino. That she chose to gave her that ribbon. In fact, she spots it hanging on her mirror and she nearly scrambles in her haste to get to it. The wine glass clinks delicately as she sets it on a surface.]

This is...

[blondambition]

[Honestly? They already do everything a long term/married couple does, except have sex. And even some long term couples don't do that very often. Everyone had learned long ago not to mess with Sakura, because Ino is a vicious, somewhat crazy person who now had T&I training under her belt. Post war, they learned not to ever utter a negative thing about Ino (and really, there was a lot to talk about) because Sakura would punch them into next week.

Their relationship was special and sacred to Ino and everyone knows it.

She looks over to where Sakura is after dumpling all her supplies on the bed. The look on her face is unreadable for a moment.]

Oh.

[Then Ino gives a little laugh.]

If you can believe it, that was one of the few things that actually survived Konoha getting destroyed.

[slugly]

[Sakura can see Ino mourning the loss of her closet and going to look for anything that might have survived and suddenly pulling out a tattered red ribbon. One she's holding in her hands. The ends are frayed and there's small holes but she still brushes her hair back over her shoulders and pulls the ribbon under, tying it on a bow.

The face that looks back is so different from the one she remembers who wore that bow last. Her face has matured and there's a fire and confidence in her eyes that wasn't there before. She smiles, eyes glazing over before she shakes her head and turns to Ino.]

Do you have anything to match this? I'd like the wear it. I know it's sort of childish but--

[Can't help it. It really means a lot to her. And when Ino is here for her when she needs, when she's hit another milestone in her life, she wants to wear it again. It will give her the strength to persevere if she can't find it within herself.]

[blondambition]

[It takes Ino a few minutes to formulate the right words-- any words, really-- because this is making old feeling resurface. She vividly remembers the day Sakura had returned this ribbon to her. At the time she had been sad but proud that Sakura could stand on her own. A tiny part of her-- the selfish, 12 year old part-- had been miffed that Sakura didn't need her as a pillar of strength anymore.

Of course, they had both matured quite a bit since then and had settled into a very comfortable friendship/rivalry that wasn't much a rivalry anymore. They were equals; exactly what both Ino and Sakura ultimately wanted.

Tears sting the back of her eyes, much to Ino's horror. Not sad, exactly, but not happy, either. Just emotional.]

Keep it. It's yours, anyway, right?

[Ino has to turn back to rifle through her closet for an appropriate outfit because it's a good distraction.]

[slugly]

[As Sakura closes her eyes, letting those same words echo through her as they had when she had given the ribbon back to her, she lets her tears run down her cheeks. They're wiped away with the back of her hand though so Ino doesn't see.]

Yeah. I will.

[Thank you

This time, definitely she would. When she turns back around, she's smiles again and going through the ton of makeup on the bed. She didn't even know what some of it was. When she was younger, she had a couple eye shadows and some nailpolish. That's as much as she could afford being a ninja and all they knew as twelve year olds. After Kin had mocked her for trying to be sexy, she hadn't touched it besides the going out every so often.

And only because Ino got on her case if she didn't do SOMETHING when they went out.]

What's this stuff?

[She starts unscrewing the cap to some bronzer, looking confused and intrigued at once.]

[blondambition]

Maybe we should try to make that old ribbon more fashionable, though. It's all hole-y and torn.

[Ino lays out some outfit choices on the bed, mostly things with ties so that they could fit Sakura's slimmer figure. Lots of light greens and blues; colors that always look good on Sakura.]

That's to make yourself look a bit more tan. Ever since the Suna Sun Poisoning incident, I've decided to stop torturing myself and just brush some of that stuff on when I want to look less glow-in-the-dark pale.

[There were some blondes like Naruto and Temari who could tan without burning. Ino? Ino wasn't one of them. She had learned that the hard way.]

How short are you willing to go skirt-wise?